The New Constitution

     If we are going to disregard our Constitution, then we might as well write a new one.  I prefer the old one myself.  In fact, I think it is the greatest document of its kind ever written.  But I propose the following Constitution to actually conform to how things actually work these days.

ARTICLE I

The supreme rulers of the United States of America are the nine people known as the Justices of the Supreme Court.  As long as five of them agree on a matter, it shall be the law of the land, regardless of the will of the people, the legislative acts of the elected representatives, or the due power of the executive branch of government.  Thus America is an oligarchy ruled by the five members of the majority of the Supreme Court.

ARTICLE II

The Congress of the United States shall consist of a House of Representatives and a Senate.  Their main job is to redistribute wealth, that is, to take money from people who earn it and give it to people who cannot or will not.  Their other job is to manage every aspect of life from how fast people may drive to what kind of lightbulbs they may use.

Although they are charged with enacting laws as representatives of the people, every law enacted by them is liable to be invalidated by the supreme rulers mentioned in Article I. 

ARTICLE III

The President of the United States is the head of the executive branch of government.  He is to be blamed for all problems that exist in the entire world, even though it is the Congress that actually enacts laws and grants approval for executive actions (and many problems are simply beyond his control).

His main role is to broker deals with members of Congress so that some of his pet legislation will be passed and some of their pet legislation will be passed.  Of course, all such legislation is liable to be struck down by the supreme rulers mentioned in Article I.

 

AMENDMENT I

All members of minority groups have freedom of speech.  Others may say only what is acceptable to members of minority groups.

No public expressions of Christian faith may be made.  The Religion of Peace on the other hand is to be handled with kid gloves and even celebrated.

AMENDMENT II

Somehow guns just get up and kill people all on their own, and therefore the evil things must be banned from private ownership and for use in self-defense.

AMENDMENT III

States are a legal fiction.  Anything and everything that they enact is liable to be undone by acts of Congress or by Supreme Court rulings.  They are merely administrative designations.

 

Sad but true, no?