Maine Voters Preserve Marriage

     I had people tell me that same-sex marriage was sure to be officially enacted in Maine with the referendum just voted on.  The legislature had already voted to make it legal, but it had not become activated, pending the results of this referendum.  Like 30 other states, Maine has decided, through the democratic process, to keep marriage as marriage. 

     Believe it or not, I would have accepted Maine’s decision, if it had gone the other way.  I believe in state’s rights, and believe that the people in each state have the right to decide what relationships they recognize or do not recognize and how they define the term marriage.  I would have been sad, but I would have accepted Maine’s right to do it.

     Despite what some people say, it is not about hatred, and it certainly is not about homophobia, whatever that is.  I believe that it is about preserving tradition.  I believe that it is also about delineating and defining things:  marriage is one kind of relationship, but there are other kinds of relationships, too.  I think that it also has to do with keeping an institution that provides the most stability and security–as well as legal protection–for children, by establishing legally who their parents are, thus, who is responsible for them.  It also helps to establish who a person’s heirs are, espeically if one dies intestate.

     Marriage is in a sad state these days.  It makes me wonder, just a little, why some people want to expand it to include their different kind of relationship.  Many people live together and even have children without being married.  Many other people have serial marriages and divorces.  It’s so hard on the kids!  I wish more people would put their needs first.

     I would like to see marriage revived as an important institution and one that is supposed to be permanent and that is supposed to be characterized by fidelity and mutual love and support.  I would also like to see men and women getting married, and–if they choose–having children together–in that order.  All other “family” arrangements are contrary to nature and (I am a Christian, after all) God’s plan.  You can call them anything you want, but it doesn’t change what they are–or what they are not.

     Maybe some of my friends are right.  Maybe marriage should be taken completely out of the public domain.  I’m not convinced yet.  I think it could work, but I think it would create a lot of legal hassles.  I think it would end up causing harm–or at least not preventing harm–to many children. 

     What do you think?

Thanksgiving–Friends

     There is so much to be thankful for, it is hard to know where to begin.  Of all my blessings, friends are among the best.  I work to cultivate a few close friendships and it pays off.  It’s really hard to know where the giving ends and the taking begins, since every act of giving is also a blessing and every act of receiving blesses the giver.  I like that about friendship.  It’s not a 50-50 relationship; rather it is 100-100.  One friend gives 100%, and the other friend gives back 100%.

     The pastor of my church in America just lost his brother to cancer.  I was able to “talk” with him via instant messaging, and I was glad for the opportunity.  My pastor was one of my biggest supporters during my sister’s illness and death.  I wanted so much to be able to give back a little of what he gave to me during that time.

     I told him, “I wish that I could somehow do for you what you did for me at that time.”

     He answered, “You have been doing so.  Your friendship is very important to me.  I feel closer to you than to my own brothers.”

     Here I was, trying to bestow a blessing on somebody whom I care about and to whom I feel very grateful, and he was bestowing an even bigger blessing on me.  To know that I am important to somebody, to know that somebody considers me closer than a brother, evokes the best feeling in the world.

     I think that it is about significance.  The best way to develop a sense of significance in this world is to be somebody’s friend.  What else really matters in the grad scheme of life?

     If you do not have such a friendship, I recommend that you cultivate one.  It takes work, but the work seems like nothing in comparison to the rewards you get from it.  In fact, as I tried to illustrate, the work somehow ends up part of the reward.

What’s Next, Sainthood?

     I know I will get into big trouble over this post, but I have to write it.

     President Barack Obama does not deserve the Nobel Peace Prize. 

     What has he done?   He has made speeches.

     He has ended no wars.  He has negotiated no treaties.  He has not even withdrawn our military from Iraq or closed the prison at Guantanamo Bay, as he promised to do.

     Lest I be called a racist, I want to say that Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu completely deserved the prize, but Al Gore did not.

     Lest I be accused of hating President Obama, let me say that I love lots of people who do not deserve the Nobel Peace Prize, including my wife, my children, and my parents.  In fact there are billions of people, including myself, who do not deserve it, and I hate none of them.

The Birthright and the Blessing

     Eve at The Third Eve wrote a terrific post about the concepts of the Birthright and the Blessing in the story of Jacob and Esau.  As usual, she provides much food for thought.  At the end of the post she lists several thought-provoking questions that I am working through in my mind.

     I thought I would provide some cursory answers here with the hope that it will inspire others to think about them, too.  I also hope that others will emulate my parents, who were really good, though imperfect, at parenting.

     Eve asks, “In my personal myth, what is my birthright?”

     Since I did not receive a literal birthright, I must answer in more figurative terms.  My parents gave me the right to believe in myself.  They gave me the knowledge that I can accomplish important things through my own effort.  They gave me the knowledge that my life has intrinsic value but that I can even more value to it by extending myself toward others in the way of love and service.

“Where is my blessing? “

My greatest blessing was in having parents that loved me.  They loved me unconditionally, and I never doubted it.  (Even when I petulantly accused them of not loving me, I knew deep down that they did and that even their chastisement proved it.)

“What meaningful touch and words were conveyed to me by my parents?”

My mother was particularly good about affirming me verbally.  I tended toward self-doubt and self-pity, but my mother was good at boosting my confidence.  I’ll never forget her telling me time and again that nothing I could do would cause her to stop loving me.  Although my father was not as expressive, I knew that he felt the same way.

Both parents were good about congratulating us for a job well done.  They were also good about showing up when we did presentations at school or when we were recognized for something.

“And if my parents failed to convey a unique picture to me for my future path, what did God have to say about it?”

Like all children, there were times when my realtionship with my parents was not perfect.  At times they let me down, but overall they were great.  God’s work in my life was a great addition to what my parents did, not a substitute.  In fact, I would say that it was easy to me to love God as my heavenly father thanks to the love I received from my parents.

“For what birthright and blessing was I willing to wrestle all night with an angel?”

Ah, yes.  I fought hard to be free of depression.  It still rears its ugly head sometimes, but it is no longer debilitating.  I also fought hard to have a better marriage than my mother and father did.  Theirs ended in divorce, and I made up y mind that I would do anything not to do the same things, particularly for the sake of my children.

“For what have I been willing to be crippled for life?”

I have discovered a blessing in having depression.  It has kept me humble and more gracious toward other people.  I think that it also indicates that I experience depths of emotion that maybe other people do not.  I know that it has inspired creativity in me, since I have turned to music and writing for solace. 

“What truths and callings keep welling up inside of me, unbidden but irrepressible?”

The main one is the call to impart knowledge to others.  I love teaching, not just as my main “job” but as my basic lifestyle.  There is no greater joy for me than to see somebody else acquire a new skill or concept thanks to my instruction.

I also feel called to be a good husband and father.  I believe that the key to a healthy society is healthy families, and I have worked to make my family a healthy one.  I have tremendous hope for my children, because of the love I have poured into them.

Who Are the Gun People?

     I have a friend named Matt.  He is a gun owner and a Second Amendment advocate.  I do not know if he is representative of all such people, but he is typical of most other gun owners that I know. 

     Matt loves to fish and hunt.  He stands actually in both the modern world and in the past, since he is a computer systems designer during the week and a rugged outdoorsman on certain weekends.  Although he is rugged, he is one of the gentlest people I know.  Hurting an innocent person, let alone killing one, is the farthest thing from his mind.

     When Matt goes hunting or fishing, he has a license and he stays within legal guidelines.  Like most of the hunters I know he is a staunch conservationist.  More than most people he appreciates the beauty of wildlife and our natural environment.  Eliminating all the deer or cutting down all the woods would be ineffably horrible to Matt.

     He and his family consume what he kills.  He does not enjoy the killing itself, but he does enjoy the challenge of tracking the deer, the sense of accomplishment, and the meat that he brings home.

     Like most gun owners I know, he is appalled at the number of crimes involving guns that occur in the United States.  Like most gun owners I know, he has no intention of killing anyone with his gun, and would love to see the evil people who murder others stopped.  He knows that the problem is evil people, not inanimate objects.

     When he and his friends go out hunting together, he does not fear that one of them will shoot him.  He realizes, I’m sure, that if any of them wanted to shoot him, they could do so anytime they wanted.  Just as he could shoot one of them at any time if he chose to.  I think he would advise the people who are scared of guns that they should stop and think for a minute about how many guns there are all around them all the time.  Since they are still alive to protest guns, the guns must not be as dangerous as they are contending.

     Matt is very patriotic.  He served the United States as a Marine, and I believe that I have seen a tear in his eye on Memorial Day and Veteran’s Day.  You can criticize the United States around him, but I don’t advise you to show any disrespect to the country, the flag, or our military personnel.  As I said, he won’t hurt you, but you probably will not like what he will say to you.

     Matt is also a very loving family man.  I have seen few men as devoted to his wife and children as Matt.  He not only gives them the popular “quality time,” but he gives them quantity time.  Not only does he spend time with his immediate family, but he remains close to his parents and siblings and has become very caring toward his wife’s family.  He did everything he could to help his father-in-law as he suffered from terminal cancer that did take his life.

     Matt pays his taxes.  He is friendly to his neighbors.  Beyond friendly, he is always ready to help a neighbor in need.  He visits older members of the church who cannot go out much and either takes them places or runs errands for them.  He has helped fix up houses for people who could not afford to hire somebody to do it for them.

     In short, Matt is one of the best men that I know.  My admiration for him is practically boundless.  It pains me to hear people disparage people like him.  He is not a nut.  He is not a radical.  As I tried to write in an earlier post, he is the kind of man that our ancestors–my ancestors, anyway–would have admired greatly.  “Salt of the earth” they would have called him.   They would not have been afraid of him because he has guns.  For one thing, they did too.  For another thing, they would have seen it as very responsible of him to provide for his family and to protect his family by using his firearms wisely.

     As far as I am concerned, you are free to disagree with Matt for his views on gun ownership.  But please don’t call him, or people like him, names.  Don’t treat them as aberrant or weird or scary.

     To people in a small circle of leftwing friends, my friend Matt probably does seem like an anomaly.  But from what I know he is a very common type of man in America.  There are millions of people in America like Matt, or who wish they were like Matt.  They may not be the only Americans, but don’t discount them or hold them in contempt.  America would not even be here without people like him.

Not Just a Blob

     What if the “blob of tissue” that women get rid of during an abortion were not just a blob of tisuse?  What if it had appendages and even a rudimetary face?  By the time most women know that they are pregnant, decide to have an abortion, and then go through with it, the fetus is more than a little blob, and a new technology would allow them to hold a little model of her or him in their own hands. 

     Would a mother still want to”get rid of it” once she saw what ”it” really was?  Maybe.  I don’t think that most mothers would.

Michael Jackson: Which Is It?

     So, I have heard a few people comment recently that Michael Jackson was a victim of arrested development who thought as a child, and thus was no danger to children when they spent the night with him.  Interesting!  I remember that argument coming up years ago.

     If that is the case, then why was he legally permitted to raise three chidlren alone.  Don’t we usually expect people who raise children to be mature, responsible adults?  Why did none of his loyal friends and family members launch an investigation as to whether the grown-up boy was a fit parent?

     I have also heard people comment that Michael Jackson was an excellent parent.  Would an excellent parent approve of children sleeping in a bed with an adult man who is not related to them? 

     Makes you think, no?

What Is the Military For?

     Before we ask any other issues about the military, we ought to first consider what the military’s purpose is to begin with.  Before tackling issues of who should or should not be in the military, we ought to ask, “What is the military for?”

     One of my great-uncles was prevented from joining the military because of a visual disability.  Another great-uncle was kept out because of flat feet.  Although they were disappointed, they understood that the military needs people in good physical condition and with no disabilities that would hinder their ability to perform their duties. 

     The military is not a group that you join in order to feel good about yourself.  It is not a laboratory for sociological experiments.  It is there to provide defense for our country, and a person should join it in order to serve the country.

     I am ambivalent about the role of homosexual people in the military.  I have nothing against their serving; however, I can understand why current members of the military might object to sharing barracks with such people.

     I think back to my college days.  My dormitory had community showers.  I was not too keen on showering with other people, and so I tried to time my showers when nobody else was in there.  It often occurred that others were taking a shower at the same time that I was.  The banter was always interesting.  The general direction of it was that most of the guys hoped that nobody in there was a homosexual.  They would not appreciate being “checked out” by another guy. 

     Of course, there were some suspected homosexuals in the dorm, but nobody who was completely “out.”  It was in the South, after all.  It was also understood that it would be very awkward for a straight male to discover that his room mate, especially his shower mate might be viewing him in a way that he would not appreciate.  It was for that reason that our dorm was for males and other dorms were for females.

     I’m guessing that most men in the military feel the same way.  While they might not say it out loud in certain circles, they probably discuss it among themselves and not always in the most polite language, I’m betting. 

     I do not see any reason to put them in that uncomfortable position.  The military does not exist to force people to give up their queasiness about undressing in front of people who might be attracted to them sexually.

     If the Obama administration does change current military policy, then I think they will have to find away to allow homosexual people to serve in the military but to have separate sleeping quarters and separate bathing facilities.  I do not know how else to give homosexual people the freedom to express themselves as they see themselves but still safeguard the real concerns about modesty that the other men and women might have.

     The military does not exist to make people equal.  It does not exist to push the norms.  It does not exist to make people feel good about themselves or to help them grapple with a lifetime of rejection or mistreatment.  It exists to defend the country, and it is important to make it function the best possible way for all the great men and women who want to serve.

Michael and Me

     I am one of the few people in the world, apparently, who was not a fan of Michael Jackson.  The fact is, I simply do not like his style of music.  On top of that, I am not entranced by sequined gloves, moonwalking, or crotch-grabbing. 

     Therefore, I am not grieving his death the way that some people are.

     I am still interested in the story, however, for a few reasons.  Although I did not like Michael Jackson’s music, I am touched with nostaligia when I hear it, particularly the music of the Jackson Five.  He is as much a part of my history as he is a part of the history of his most fanatical devotees.  He is also an interesting case study.  I am interested in him for all the reasons that he worked to make himself interesting.

     I cannot help but be curious about his plastic surgeries and his apparently intentional androgyny.  I am curious about his relationship to children.  Was it good, clean fun, albeit very unusual, or was it bad and hurtful, as some have alleged?  I am very curious about his children.  I wonder how they are doing.  I wonder what it has been like to grow up with Michael Jackson as a father and with either an absent mother (in two cases) or an unknown mother (in one case).  I am curious about his financial status.  Apparently he went from being a multi-millionaire to a debtor to the tune of several million dollars.  How will that impact his survivors?  How sad to fall from such financial success to complete financial ruin!   

     Now I am curious about the cause of death.  Was it related to drug use or abuse?  Why did he suffer cardiac arrest (or, as some news reports indicate, respiratory arrest) with a doctor right on hand?  If he was in good health, then obviously something went very wrong, and a mystery needs to be solved.  If he was suffering from ill health, then one wonders why adequate treatment could not be found.

     So, like millions of other people, I have read the news reports and watched the videos.  I have also prayed.  I have prayed for his children, his parents, his siblings, his friends, and all those others who miss him much more than I do.  May God comfort them.  May He watch over them and bless their futures.

What’s In a Title?

     I am sure that you heard about Senator Barbara Boxer’s scolding an Army Brigadier General for calling her “Ma’am” rather than “Senator.” 

     Is a member of the United States Senate so ignorant of military protocol that she does not realize that Ma’am is a title of respect used for a superior officer?

     Does she forget that she called Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice “Madam” during a hearing rather than “Madam Secretary”?  Maybe she thinks that she is entitled to a title but she is not obligated to use them for other people.

     Why did she not address him as “Brigadier General” in that same exchange?  If she believes in using titles, then she should be consistent.

     Does such a well-educated and well-traveled woman not realize that even the Queen of England is addressed as “Madam” or “Ma’am?  Does she think she ranks higher than a queen?

     I have always been distrustful of people who insist on being called by a certain title.  It seems to me that it shows a bit of insecurity on their part. 

     Besides we are in America.  We don’t have a noble class.  The only place where it is entirely necessary to insist on titles, or rather, ranks, is in the military, because military discipline requires it.  Otherwise, the use of titles is a courtesy that people should follow but that they should not be compelled to do.