Maine Voters Preserve Marriage

     I had people tell me that same-sex marriage was sure to be officially enacted in Maine with the referendum just voted on.  The legislature had already voted to make it legal, but it had not become activated, pending the results of this referendum.  Like 30 other states, Maine has decided, through the democratic process, to keep marriage as marriage. 

     Believe it or not, I would have accepted Maine’s decision, if it had gone the other way.  I believe in state’s rights, and believe that the people in each state have the right to decide what relationships they recognize or do not recognize and how they define the term marriage.  I would have been sad, but I would have accepted Maine’s right to do it.

     Despite what some people say, it is not about hatred, and it certainly is not about homophobia, whatever that is.  I believe that it is about preserving tradition.  I believe that it is also about delineating and defining things:  marriage is one kind of relationship, but there are other kinds of relationships, too.  I think that it also has to do with keeping an institution that provides the most stability and security–as well as legal protection–for children, by establishing legally who their parents are, thus, who is responsible for them.  It also helps to establish who a person’s heirs are, espeically if one dies intestate.

     Marriage is in a sad state these days.  It makes me wonder, just a little, why some people want to expand it to include their different kind of relationship.  Many people live together and even have children without being married.  Many other people have serial marriages and divorces.  It’s so hard on the kids!  I wish more people would put their needs first.

     I would like to see marriage revived as an important institution and one that is supposed to be permanent and that is supposed to be characterized by fidelity and mutual love and support.  I would also like to see men and women getting married, and–if they choose–having children together–in that order.  All other “family” arrangements are contrary to nature and (I am a Christian, after all) God’s plan.  You can call them anything you want, but it doesn’t change what they are–or what they are not.

     Maybe some of my friends are right.  Maybe marriage should be taken completely out of the public domain.  I’m not convinced yet.  I think it could work, but I think it would create a lot of legal hassles.  I think it would end up causing harm–or at least not preventing harm–to many children. 

     What do you think?

Not Just a Blob

     What if the “blob of tissue” that women get rid of during an abortion were not just a blob of tisuse?  What if it had appendages and even a rudimetary face?  By the time most women know that they are pregnant, decide to have an abortion, and then go through with it, the fetus is more than a little blob, and a new technology would allow them to hold a little model of her or him in their own hands. 

     Would a mother still want to”get rid of it” once she saw what ”it” really was?  Maybe.  I don’t think that most mothers would.

Michael Jackson: Which Is It?

     So, I have heard a few people comment recently that Michael Jackson was a victim of arrested development who thought as a child, and thus was no danger to children when they spent the night with him.  Interesting!  I remember that argument coming up years ago.

     If that is the case, then why was he legally permitted to raise three chidlren alone.  Don’t we usually expect people who raise children to be mature, responsible adults?  Why did none of his loyal friends and family members launch an investigation as to whether the grown-up boy was a fit parent?

     I have also heard people comment that Michael Jackson was an excellent parent.  Would an excellent parent approve of children sleeping in a bed with an adult man who is not related to them? 

     Makes you think, no?

Watching Them Grow

     My son now towers over me.  When he gives me a hug, it’s like some bigger man wrapping enormous arms around me.  He’s only fourteen, but his shoe size of 13 puts my 8 1/2’s to shame.  What happened to my little boy with skinny arms and legs and chubby cheeks?  I knew that he would end up taller and bigger than me, because he’s adopted and his biological parents were both tall, but it was supposed to happen way down the road.  Have we really come that far?  I now feel like I’m the kid when I stand next to him.  Oh, and I feel like I’m the kid when he corrects me, as teenagers are wont to do to their “know-nothing” parents.

     My daughter now has curves.  She sways when she walks.  And she gets irritable once a month–not to mention exhibiting mood swings all the time.  She wants to wear makeup and jewelry and high-heeled shoes.  She talks of becoming a lawyer and is definitely practicing arguing court cases with us, her parents.  I remember cutting her umbilical chord.  When did she become a young woman?  Barely any time has passed since she was spitting her baby food in my face and learning her first word–which was not mommy or daddy but duck.

     My other daughter is still a little girl, but it won’t be long now before she will join the conspiracy of making me feel very old.  She has always been too grown up for her age, but I know it will just get worse.  Her IQ probably exceeds mine, and as I lose more and more brain cells, she will probably have to do my thinking for me.  I envision the time when she, her brother, and sister wonder what they will do with their old father.

     When I think about how difficult it is to watch them grow up, I catch myself.  I wouldn’t want it any other way really.  I mean, part of the job of parenting is to help them grow up successfully.  I couldn’t stop their physical maturing if I wanted to, and I would be wrong to stop their maturing in other ways.  It’s hard to endure, but it beats the alternative, which would be for them not to be alive.  I want them to stay alive, and to be alive is to grow, in some way or other.

     I’ve grown heavier and grayer, but, by God’s grace, wiser.  I’m less impulsive, less concerned with superficial things, less driven by physical desires.  I’m thankful for those changes.  I am happier with myself, more confident, and more even tempered than ever. 

     I can get all weird about the changes in my children and whine about how much older I am and how I’m going to lose them soon, as I envision them moving away and starting their own families.  Or I can relish the changes and realize that it’s what I and they have been working toward all along.  I can fret about my mortality and how the changes in my children remind me that I am changing, too–rapidly and not entirely for the best.  Or I can use the time I have left for doing as much good as I can for my family, my friends, and my community. 

     I plan to make the most of this process with God’s help.  I plan to celebrate my chidlren’s accomplishments and their maturity.  I plan to keep using the wisdom I have gained to help others.  I plan to relish the time I have left with my children at home and to keep guiding them on their way toward independence.  I plan, which is the most difficult thing of all, to refrain from kvetching about my inevitable aging and be the most jolly, friendly middle-aged (and eventually elderly) gentleman around. 

     Pray for me.  I’ll need it.

My Fabulous Daughter

       This is my third post on my three children, which makes it my last one for awhile. You can find the other two below this one, if you are interested.

     My youngest child has become a guitarist. I began teaching her two years ago and she has made a lot of progress. She doesn’t practice as much as she should, if she wants to become proficient.  But when she does practice she does it with enthusiasm and total concentration.

     When I started teaching her to play the guitar, I made sure that she was learning to read music.  I didn’t want her to be limited to playing by ear only.  I hoped that learning the guitar might be a stepping stone to learning other instruments and become well-rounded musically.

     I have encouraged my children to develop an eclectic taste in music and to seek what is excellent in every genre and in every time period.  The message hasn’t always gotten through.  They tend to like the new and trendy music as their friends do, including this guitar-playing daughter.

     But now this daughter has discovered the Beatles.  She had heard the Beatles before but had little interest in them.  Now she has decided that she loves their music and wants to imitate some of their guitar playing.  She had already found the chords to “Yellow Submarine” and learned them. 

     She loves the electric guitar.  She loves the electric guitar with all sorts of effects.  It drives her mother crazy, although I can tolerate it and sometimes even enjoy it.  We bought her an electric-acoustic guitar and an amp that allows her to modify the sound, and she adores it.

     I really wanted her to be a classical and folk guitarist.  Oh, well. 

     More than anything else, I want her to find what really satisfies her–both musically and in every other way.  She tends to be pretty cerebral, so I am very happy for her to have a creative outlet.  Music is that for me, as well.  Music keeps me sane.

     Yes, we do play together.  My two daughters and I play and sing together a lot.  My son sometimes joins us on the djembe (an African drum).  It’s a lot of fun.

     I’m glad that my daugther can now admit that she likes the Beatles and other “old” music.  You’d think that the Beatles lived in the Dark Ages from the way she used to talk about them.  I’m glad that she realizes that it’s about what appeals to her rather than to her friends or her parents or anyone else.

     May she never bow to peer pressure but always like what she likes because she likes it.  I’m sure that she will.

My Terrific Daughter

     On Saturday our family was shopping together, and my daugther wanted to get some whipped cream.  Well, she really wanted to buy some cream-like substance that sprays out of a can.  I tried to persuade her to buy real whipping cream, but she didn’t want to.  She thinks that the artificial whipped topping tastes better.  I think that she just likes squirting it out of the can.

     On Sunday evening I asked her what she hoped to put the “whipped cream” on.  She said that she didn’t know.  I suggested that she make chocolate pudding for us.  She is quite good at it.  She started helping her mother make chocolate pudding from scratch a few years ago and then decided to try it all by herself. 

     This daugther is the creative one.  She loves to decorate her room, coordinate her clothes, draw and paint, and decorate cookies and cakes. I’m amazed at some of the things that she can do. I’m proud of her for her innovation and imagination.

     She did make the pudding, and it was fantastic.  She squirted the cool, creamy stuff on it–more than a typical serving.  She’s just crazy about it! 

     I hope that her taste becomes more refined and that she realizes the superiority of the cream that comes out of a cow.  We’ll see.  In the meantime, we will probably have the rest of the “whipped cream” on a pumpkin pie or on chocolate cupcakes.

My Magnificent Son

     I watched my son play basketball on Friday night. He is in ninth grade, and so he plays on the B-team.  That’s okay with me.  After watching the A-team play, I can see why.  Those older boys are much faster and tougher than my son, who is one of the best players on his team.

     I am not a big sports fan, but I enjoyed watching my son play.  He can jump higher than anyone on his team.  He played his position and assisted the other players on his team as he has been trained to do.  It is this last part that makes me the most proud of him.  He has had a hard time listening to his mother or me–throughout his entire life–but he listens to his teachers and his coaches. 

     I’m not proud of him for being a good basketball player, although I am happy for him.  He has been blessed with athleticism and a tall, sturdy physique.  Interestingly enough he prefers soccer/football, but he appears to me to be much more suited to basketball. Of course, it’s his choice.

     I am very proud of him for being a good sport and a team player.  I am proud of him for showing proper respect to his coach.  Those things matter so much more to me than the fact that he is a naturally gifted athlete.  Not that I don’t revel in his athleticism.  I congratulated him and the rest of the team for winning the game.  I recounted ti him some of his particularly good moves that I observed.  But I told him how impressed I was by the good character that I observed, too.

     Even more gratifying to me as a father were the comments people made as I watched the game.  Several people told me how courteous he is.  They remarked about what a faithful friend he is to his buddies.  They also mentioned how helpful he is to the teachers and what a joy he is when he visits their homes.

     Thanks be to God for the blessing of a wonderful son!

Children Are Made By Two Parents

     David Blankenhorn is a liberal Democrat who rejects “hompohobia” and believes in the equal dignity of same-sex love.  He also opposes same-sex marriage on the ground that the legal marriage contract is designed to protect children and to try to insure that each one has a father and a mother who are legally obligated to care for them.

     I’m glad to know that at least one liberal gets it.  It’s not about love and romance.  It’s not about fulfillment and happiness for the bride and groom (or whatever you call the people in a same-sex “marriage”).  It’s about something much more important and much more serious–familial stability for the sake of the children.

     It’s about knowing who is responsible should one of the two parents dies.  It’s about knowing that if Mom is in financial straits,  Dad must provide for the kids if he can.  If both Mom and Dad are down on their luck, then we know who the grandparents and aunts and uncles are, because they are legally defined.  It’s about encouraging the parents to live together for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do them part.  Children want it.  They want a mother and a father, and they want them living together and caring for their needs–physical and emotional.

     No amount of redefining terms or trying out various social arrangements can change what nature tells us.  The equipment we have is made for a man and a woman to conceive a child, and the law has an obligation to hold that man and that woman accountable for the child that they have conceived.  Science may come up with new ways to bring children into the world, but they haven’t come up with a way to change a child’s needs or wishes.

 

ADDITIONAL POINTS

• You can say that I should stay out of your bedroom, and I’ll heartily agree.  But when you bring children into the discussion, I think the perameters change.
• You can say that I should mind my own business, and I’ll agree again.  But the welfare of children is society’s business.
• You can say that everyone is entitled to happiness and fulfillment, and I’ll agree a third time.  But not at the expense of chidlren.  I draw the line there.
• You can say that “gay” people should have the same right to marry as “straight” people, and I’ll disagree.  So-called straight people do not have a right to marry.  It is a privilege that not everyone is entitled to.  Too many people abuse that privilege, because they think marriage is only about doing what makes them happy.  You won’t find marriage listed anywhere in our founding documents as a right. 
• You can say that considering the state of marriage today, “straight” people have no right to judge “gay” people.  To an extent, I will agree.  Marriage is in a sorry state, as I wrote above.  I just don’t think that we can fix it by redefining it to include a relationship between people of the same sex.  We could fix it by restoring it to the solemn, binding covenant between a man and a woman that it was meant to be.  For the children’s sake, we ought to do just that.

The Deal Breaker

     Let’s say that Barack Obama were more to my liking all-around.  Suppose he wanted to eliminate government programs, cut spending, reduce taxes across the board, and reduce government regulation of private industry.  Those issues are very important to me, and any candidate who would do those things would have my vote, except. . .

     I could never, ever, ever vote for a candidate who would not vote to protect the life of a baby. 

     I know that I have written about it before, and I know that the starry-eyed Obama supporters have disagreed with me, but I feel compelled to write about it again.

     We are not talking about a clump of cells or an unidentifiable mass of tissue.  We are talking about a baby who has taken his or her first breath of air outside the womb.  We are talking about a baby whose chord has been cut, and who is a separate, living human being.  The pro-choice folks always want to say that it is a fetus when it is in the womb and only becomes a baby when it is outside the mother’s womb.  Well, then we’re talking about babies, not fetuses.

     The Born Alive Infant Protection Act is just what its name says.  It’s not about Roe v Wade or about a woman’s “right to choose.”  It is not about pre-viable fetuses or a doctor’s relationship with his patient.  It’s about giving legal protection to babies that survive an abortion attempt–just as we give to all other babies who are born alive.

     Obama opposed it, saying, “an additional doctor who then has to be called in an emergency situation and make these assessments is really designed simply to burden the original decision of the woman.”  Please understand whom and what you are supporting, if you vote for Obama.  He was not talking about opposing a second doctor to approve an abortion.  He opposed the calling in of another doctor to decide whether or not to provide medical treatment, food, and hydration to a living, breathing baby outisde its mother’s womb.  

     If you agree that a baby born alive should be left to die, then by all means, vote for Barack Obama.  But if you find that completely barbaric, as I do, then listen to your conscience.

FOR FURTHER READING

Mona Charen, “Abortions Do Sometimes Produce Live Births“

FactCheck.org, “Obama and ‘Infanticide’“

How to Keep a Baby

     First, you have to get pregnant.  Then, barring any physical problem, you will give birth to a baby in due time.  My wife has done it twice.  Sadly, she had an early miscarriage (spontaneous abortion) one time and an ectopic pregnancy another time. 

     I bring up this simplisitic and somewhat silly topic, because I have been hearing a lot about the “choice” of Jamie Lynn Spears, Sarah Palin, and Bristol Palin to “keep” their babies.  I find such talk quite bizarre.

     Can you imagine our great-grandmothers talking about whether to “keep” their babies or not?  I can’t.  I realize that abortions did take place back then–often at extreme risk to the mother.  I also realize that some women felt forced for various reasons to give their babies up for adoption.  But it was such a rare event for a woman not to “keep” her baby that I doubt it was talked about quite like it is today.

     People act as though the ordinary process is as follows:  get pregnant (however that’s done; the pro-choice crowd at like it just sort of happens in an inscrutable way), then decide whether or not to keep “it,” then call it a fetus if you decide not to keep it but a baby if you decide to keep it, then either get an abortion or eventually give birth.  I can imagine God handing a baby to a woman and asking, “Here, do you want to keep it?”  Bizarre!

     I know almost nothing about Bristol Palin or her personal life, and that’s as it should be.  However, I would guess that there was no discussion of whether or not to “keep” the baby and no actual decision on her part.  Knowing what I know about her parents and how I would guess they brought her up, it never entered her mind to kill her unborn child.  She has a baby, and even if she were to kill it, it would not change the fact that she has a baby.  Destroying its tiny body is not the same as wiping it out of existence.  The mind remembers, and the body remembers.  And even if a woman forces herself to forget, the baby did exist, and I believe it’s soul still exists.

     I guess the main idea I’m driving at is that you can decide NOT to keep a baby, but there is really no need to decide to keep it.  In most cases, it’s not going anywhere.  If you don’t do anything drastic, and if the baby and the mom are healthy, it will just be born.  Women have been keeping babies for thousands upon thousands of years.  It’s just part of their nature.  It’s just how God made them.